Motherhood presents us with all types of challenges and keeping a marriage juicy and alive after kids is a BIG ONE. It’s a common issue all married couples face sooner or later and I’ve spent A LOT of time trying to figure out how to honor and preserve the lusty connection that got me married and pregnant to begin with! Truth be told….I have a real thrill-seeker personality that could easily lead me to the Land of Divorce so I’ve HAD to come up with some creative ways to keep the flame burning after 11 years with my Love.
Here’s what works for us…
MIX IT UP
Try new things together: go to an area of your city you’ve always wondered about, try a new restaurant, sleep on opposite sides of the bed. The bottom line is : don’t let yourselves fall into a groove of boredom and repetition.
What are your goals for the next 5-10 years? Keep an inspiration board that you work on together and that reminds you of your common purpose. It’ll keep you feeling invigorated and excited about the future together. These shared dreams and goals are sometimes the glue that keeps a relationship together when the going gets tough….Nurture that bond so it’s there when you need it.
LEARN SOMETHING NEW TOGETHER
Karate? Painting? Photography? Take up a new hobby together and enjoy the time spent practicing, creating, and laughing together while you learn. Plus, it gives you something to talk about besides the kids….
INSPIRE EACH OTHER
This is a big one for us. We try to keep inspiring ourselves, each other and our children. The more interesting you are individually, the more interesting your lives and your relationship will be. There’s one school of thought that says we have to give our “all” to our kids; but if we do that, what do we have to offer each other? If you give your “all” to your children and have nothing left to give to your partner is that really helpful to the larger family unit? I believe that being someone who is engaged in life and creating their own personal dream is the best role model a child can have.
KEEP A GRATITUDE LIST
Create a “gratitude list” for each other. Looking on the bright side of things is proven to change our perception of reality. This is one area I personally need major reminding and keeping a daily gratitude list for the love of my life is a great way to keep from being annoyed by daily life with another human being.
CREATE FAMILY ADVENTURES
Going on a plush vacation is nice but what about going to Guatemala and volunteering as a family to help build housing in an impoverished village? That’s the part of me that always wanted to join the Peace Corps… On a more serious note, there are so many creative ways to engage your family in giving back to the world that are also fun and skill-building.
TEXT EACH OTHER
For no particular reason! When my Man sends me a text just to say, “hi,” “i love you,” or “you’re hot,” it literally makes my day and usually results in some hotness later that night. It takes 5 seconds to let someone know you are thinking of them and it goes a long way for keeping that feeling of excitement that lives in a new relationship.
SCHEDULE DAYTIME DATES
There’s something very forbidden about putting on a sexy dress and meeting for lunch with your man. It’s like being a mistress with your own husband. I do things like this to confuse the monogamous wife in me. I love to have intrigue along with the safety of being a Mrs.
TAKE A SEXY VACATION
With no children! How selfish! Yes, it is selfish. We all deserve to have alone time and get replenished so we can be our best for ourselves and our children. Our goal is to keep the marriage strong so the family can be vibrant and sometimes that means having quality alone time with my love so we can be satisfied and happy parents.
Our children deserve the very best we can give them and that comes from being the very best to ourselves and each other.
Above: “The Embrace” Burning Man in Black Rock City
It’s wonderful to step out of the comfort zone and try something new, so go for it! xxx, Leah